Just Say "Yes"

Yesterday's MY BODY, MY CHOICE rally was brimming with so many emotions: anger, excitement, fear, courage, frustration, hope. So many amazing people of all genders, races, religions, ages, identities, backgrounds, cultures, and walks of life showed up at Butler Green to have their voices heard and to stand in solidarity with one another—friends and strangers alike—and it was truly a thing of beauty.

I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to speak at this event. And although I still hold the same beliefs on this issue today that I have my whole life, 10 years ago...5 years ago...hell, 2 years ago, I would have never had the courage to speak publicly like this. (Fun fact: I would have failed my public speaking class in college if it hadn't been for A) it being a summer class; B) my professor's pity.) But when asked, I said "yes"...because saying "yes" has been what has gotten me to where I am today.

Before 2017, I had zero political background, zero political experience, zero political education. I had no reason to believe that there was a place for me in this world or that I had anything to contribute to it. But I was lucky to have amazing people believe in me, and when opportunities presented themselves, I then had the audacity to believe in myself and say "yes".

I say all this to tell you that not only are politics vital to all of us, but also there is a place for you, too, in this realm—there is a place for all of us. And there needs to be. It doesn't matter your age or experience or where you come from or your level of education—your perspective and ideas and voice are needed and necessary.

And that was the message I wanted to convey yesterday—one that would encourage you to also step outside of your comfort zone and find ways to get involved. Because you have it in you and the opportunities are there...you just have to say "yes".

***Below is the text of my speech, as well as links to local/statewide progressive political organizations to help you find your place and how you can get involved.***

"Today we’re going to be hearing from some incredible advocates and activists, but I’m here to talk to you all about the political aspect. Now, I don’t want to stand up here and bore you with a bunch of numbers and data—that’s not my style—but I have to cite these very important ones:

• The female population in AL: 51%

• Do you know what the percentage is of female members of the AL House? 17%

• And the percentage of the female members of the AL Senate? 11%

Just think about that for a second: 51% population, but only 17% and 11% representation. 

Advocacy for reproductive rights is incredibly vital—but so is supporting and electing candidates who will listen to those advocates and implement the policies that will support reproductive rights.

• This means supporting PROGRESSIVE candidates.

• And more specifically, supporting progressive FEMALE candidates.

• And even more specifically, supporting MARGINALIZED female progressive candidates.

We saw a huge rise nationwide in progressives, women, women of color, and LGBTQ+ persons running for office last year. And here in Alabama, we, too, saw a rise in progressive, women, and women of color candidates running for office—locally and statewide. I was actually lucky enough to act as the campaign manager for the amazing Amy Wasyluka’s State Senate campaign. And the data shows that in a community when women are uplifted and empowered, the community as a whole thrives. And when progressive women are elected to office, they put forward and support legislation that supports and protects women. 

If I could encourage you to do anything today, it would be to not let the fear of not knowing about politics keep you from getting involved. I promise you—no one knew less about politics than I did 2½ years ago. You don’t have to come from a family of politicians or have a degree in Political Science to be involved in politics, you just have to be a citizen of the world who cares about what’s going on in your community and a desire to make a difference.
And there are SO many ways to get involved:

• You could run for office, or encourage a friend to run.

• If running for office isn’t an option, then find a candidate you support and volunteer for them.

• Get involved with a local political or activist organization.

• Support organizations like Persistence PAC and Emerge AL who are doing work to financially support and train progressive female candidates here in Alabama. 

• Call, write, or meet with your representatives to let them know where you stand on this issue and hold them accountable. Remember: they. work. for. you.

• Talk to your family, friends, neighbors, coworkers about the issues you care about—like reproductive rights—and use your personal relationships and experiences to help them understand why it’s so critical and why they should support candidates who also find it critical.

• Make sure that you and everyone you know is registered. to. vote.

Whether big or small, we all have a place in politics and a role to play—there is a place for you—you just have to show up. 

In closing, I want to leave you with this: 

Regardless of how messy and frustrating and overwhelming as it can be, we no longer have the luxury to not care when it comes to politics. Elections have consequences, and the passing of this abortion ban is proof of that.
So I urge you, when you go home today—go home with a sense of hope, but also with a sense of purpose...go home feeling inspired, but also empowered to be the change...go home angry, but also with a plan of action. But please, PLEASE...do not just go home. 

Because hope and inspiration and anger without action is just that. Today we have proven in the most spectacular way what a group of empowered women and allies with a sense of purpose and a plan of action can do in a very short amount of time. We can be the difference—and if we keep fighting the good fight—we most certainly will be. Thank you."

• Alabama High School Democrats
• Alabama College Democrats
• Alabama Young Democrats 
• Madison County Democrats
• Madison County Democratic Women
• Greater Huntsville Democrats
• Indivisible Alabama
• Faith in Action Alabama
• Tennessee Valley Progressive Alliance
• League of Women Voters of Alabama
• Alabama Democratic Conference
• Alabama New South Coalition
• Organize Alabama
• Persistence PAC
• Emerge Alabama
• Emily's List
• Run for Something

Finding My Voice in the Perfect Storm

It's been one year. 365 days. 8,760 hours. 525,600 minutes. And when I think back on this time last year, those visceral feelings come rushing right back as though it were yesterday... The panic. The disbelief. The anger. The sorrow. I got caught in a tailspin of emotions and was left feeling hopeless.

"Let us have faith in each other. Let us not grow weary. Let us not lose heart. For there are more seasons to come...and more work to do." -- Hillary R. Clinton

And then came the phone call from my grandmother -- words which I will carry with me for the rest of my life: "Honey, I know you're sad. We all are. But you're only allowed to be sad for so long...then you have to do something. So what are you going to do?" I knew she was right...but I didn't have an answer. I had just turned 30 years old, and I had never been politically active in my life, nor did I know anyone who was. So I made the typical Millennial move -- #GoogleIt -- and there it was: Madison County Democratic Women. And that's where it all began...

Before I knew it, I was being embraced by this force and found myself saying "Yes!" to everything. I was busy -- I joined several organizations and multiple committees. I was meeting people -- I met so many people from different backgrounds and generations and walks of life that I probably never would have otherwise met. I was doing things I had never fathomed I would do -- I marched. I protested. I put signs in my yard and magnets on my car and dedicated a portion of my closet to statement tees. I was feeling that force become a part of me...or was I becoming a part of it?

As I reflect back on this past year, it was most certainly a whirlwind. It was at times frustrating and stressful and even down-right maddening. But there were many more moments that were educational and inspiring and, honestly, just a whole lot of fun. I learned so much about the world and myself this year...from complacency and advocacy to apathy and empathy. I got to hear from people I greatly admire and even meet some of them. And I have formed some of the greatest friendships that I know I will cherish all the days of my life. 

And in that reflection, I can't help but to think about all the things that had to happen to get me to where I am today...to this very moment -- from moving back home to work flexibility to the (hellacious) election to joining the right group with the right people at the right time. You see, I had always had thoughts and opinions and ideas about the world and politics -- but it wasn't until this perfect storm that I truly found my voice to put thoughts to words, and in turn, those words to action...

And I am then left wondering: "Is this a new version of myself that I have become?" or "Has this always been apart of me that I've just been too afraid to embrace?" Perhaps it's a little bit of both, but then I suppose that doesn't really matter. What I do know and what does matter is that those feelings I was so deeply consumed by this time last year have been replaced with: panic Calm. disbelief Belief. anger Passion. sorrow Joy. Whether it was there all along or a recent discovery, I am better now than I was then. I still have so much more to learn and to do, but I am hopeful for the future and excited for this new season of my life. 

And I would encourage anyone reading this to not wait for some catastrophic occurrence to start caring or speaking out or doing something to better the world around you, but if it does -- always keep yours eyes, ears, heart, and mind open. Because who knows...you may one day find yourself caught up in your own perfect storm, and you don't want to miss your shot to find the voice you never knew you had. Now that I have found my voice, I don't plan on being quiet anytime soon...or throwing away my shot...

"...I’m past patiently waitin’. I’m passionately  

Smashin’ every expectation

Every action’s an act of creation!

I’m laughin’ in the face of casualties and sorrow

For the first time, I’m thinkin’ past tomorrow,

And I am not throwin' away my shot."

-- Hamilton: An American Musical

I Can't Keep Quiet

Let me start by clarifying something...

FEMINISM: (n.)  fem·i·nism \ˈfe-mə-ˌni-zəm\
1) the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes
2) organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests

Ok, now that we've cleared that up... Regardless of your personal feelings, this past weekend's Women's March was a historic HERstoric day -- millions of women (and men) gathered together in solidarity across the nation AND world with the main focus being love, equality, and a willingness to stand up for what is right. I was fortunate to be a part of this beautiful movement, and I came home with this incredible high of empowerment and hope for a better tomorrow. And then, as it tends to do, reality set in.

I scrolled through my social media pages that were (gloriously) flooded with positive photos, articles, and stories about the Women's  March on Washington and all of its sister cities...that were then abruptly and brutally cut by anti-March posts. I gasped. I couldn't wrap my mind around the concept of someone being AGAINST this movement -- a peaceful, inclusive movement -- especially those that were women. How?? Why?! I could feel this tinge in my heart reading these words of disgust and disapproval. Questions began to swirl in my mind: "Do they not understand what this was about? That it wasn't ONLY about women, but also rights for LGBTQ+, immigrants, Muslims, working class, education, and the environment? Do they not know the difference between 'whining' and 'activism'?"

With all of these thoughts bouncing around in my head, I decided to take the time to read and re-read these negative posts in order to gain some sort of perspective as to where these comments were coming from. I had to keep in mind that these people have the same right to an opinion and a voice that I do, and they, too, deserved to be heard. And after careful review and quite a bit of processing and reflection, this is my personal opinion of why these people feel that the Marches are wrong/unnecessary/anti-men/whining/pointless/etc.:

These individuals do not feel that they are victims and/or have not been victimized. These individuals feel that they are equal in every way. These individuals do not feel that any of their rights or freedoms are being threatened. These individuals feel respected as men/women and humans. These individuals have never felt discriminated against or marginalized. These individuals have never felt like second-class citizens. These individuals feel that because Americans by birth are given more freedoms than those of other countries, that should be enough. These individuals don't believe climate change is a pressing issue. These individuals are more concerned with economic issues than social issues. 

Notice I did not say, "Those who didn't participate in or support the March are sexist, racist, homophobic, xenophobic, gun-toting, woman-hating, anti-feminists!" Because they are not one in the same. Just as those who did participate in these Marches aren't "men-hating, police-degrading, gay-agenda-pushing, handout-taking, godless baby-killing socialists" (to put it lightly, just based on things I've read). The main problem on this one particular matter isn't that one side is "bad" or "wrong"...the problem is that we don't understand each other. If you are anti-March, I do not hold any ill will towards you -- because I know the root of why is that you don't understand it. If you can relate/identify with the paragraph above, then I truly and sincerely congratulate you. I wish there were more people who felt the way you do. But unfortunately, there are not. In fact, there are far too many who have felt victimized, discriminated against, threatened to have their rights and freedoms taken away, scared for their future/the future of their children/the future of the planet, and harassed solely for loving who they love or being who they are. And with an administration that has built its platform on these very fears, it had to be big and it had to be now.

And honestly, I myself identify with a few of those statements -- as a straight, white, cisgender, middle-class, educated, American-born, Christian woman, that is part of my privilege. And there is nothing wrong with being born privileged (I repeat, there is nothing wrong with being born white/Christian/straight/American/privileged/etc.), as it cannot be helped...just as it cannot be helped to be born less privileged. The privilege itself is not what matters -- what matters is what you DO with that privilege. And by that, I mean you essentially have two options: 1) you can use your privilege to help those less fortunate; or 2) you can live life under the motto: "If it's not a problem for me, then it's not a problem." If you fall under the first category, then I think we're good here. If you fall in or around #2, then I'mma need you to have several seats and listen up...

I get it. I really do. Because I used to be like you. I used to live in my own little world and worry only about myself and those closest to me. "Racism isn't a thing anymore, right? I mean, I'M not racist, and I've never really experienced anyone else being racist. So...everything must be cool on that front." And yet, I've never seen a million dollars in my life, but I'm pretty sure it's safe to say millionaires do exist. Let me put it to you this way... "OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND" DOES NOT APPLY HERE. Just because you haven't personally experienced something, doesn't mean that it's not happening around you or that it's not a problem. 

Have I personally experienced racism? No. But I have seen it firsthand and have had African-American friends tell me horror stories of situations that they have endured. Am I personally worried about having my marriage rights revoked? No. But I do worry that my best friend may lose his right to marry the man of his dreams. Do I personally fear being shipped off to another country? No. But I do fear for my friends that may have been born here, but risk losing their parents to deportation. I finally had my "wake up call" -- hopefully this can help serve as yours. 

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Although there are things that I selfishly fear for myself (women's health, education, equal pay, etc.), this March was never about me...or you for that matter. This was about something far bigger than myself or any one person. This was about walking the walk. This was about taking a stand for something I have always believed in, but was either too apathetic or too afraid to speak up. But then I realized that feeling compassion and empathy is only half the battle -- you also have to SHOW it. I know the world can be a scary place that can cause you to become cynical. And I know it's so much easier to sit in the comfort of your home behind your keyboard and criticize those that are actively trying to make a difference. But if you TRULY want this country to be great, you have to put in the work. You have to be willing to look past your front door, get out into the world, talk to people who aren't like you, and put out what you hope to receive.

These past few months have shaken me to my very core, and I have decided that I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change...but I am going to change the things I can no longer accept. I cannot accept injustice -- and I won't. I cannot accept inequality -- and I won't. I cannot accept hate speech -- and I won't. I cannot accept "alternative facts" -- and I won't.

I cannot keep quiet -- and I won't.

No Dress Code Required

I'm not usually one for "social media rants/posts", so I decided to take my views to the blogesphere (also because who wants to read a 3 page-long Facebook post? *eye roll*). But I read an article this morning that really resonated with me, as it is an issue I have felt very strongly about since I was a young teen. And although I highly disagree with most of the views within the article (Ms. Erykah Badu's, to be exact), I do agree that it is a topic that deserves more conversation among ourselves as adults and with our children/youth in general.

Let me start by saying as I am not a perfect adult, I was also not a perfect baby/child/teenager/etc. But as a teenager, I have to say I wasn't too bad, generally speaking. I was an athlete, I had a good group of friends, I was involved in several school organizations, I made good grades, and I rarely got into trouble. But the few times I remember getting into trouble at school was always for...my attire. Either my shorts were "too short", a sliver of my mid-drift would show if I reached over my head, or the straps of my shirt were "too narrow". Several times my mom would have to leave to bring me clothes to change into, or I would be forced to put on my sweaty gym shirt for the remainder of the day. I would ask the teachers, and even the principal, why this was made such a big deal, and all they could tell me was, "Those are just the rules." When I posed the same question to my mom, she basically said, "I guess it's because they feel it could be 'too distracting' to the boys in class." And my immediate reaction was: "Well, shouldn't that be THEIR problem, not mine?"

And shouldn't it be? Why does society feel it is our responsibility as females to "protect" males from their own "lustful desires"? Instead of talking to our young men and raising them in such a way to see women as more than sexual objects, we find it more appropriate to throw blankets over our young women and shove them into these "appropriate boxes" filled with shame, insecurity, and self-deprecation. In 2016, doesn't that seem like such an archaic ideology?

And some people may argue (as Ms. Badu does throughout the article) that it is more so to "protect our youth", but again, I disagree with this point. Because in my experience, it had an adverse effect on me. Although these instances initially made me feel ashamed and guilty, those feelings would later shift into feelings of hyper-sexualization, as though that were my main purpose on this earth -- to attract male attention. And if I didn't do that, well then I must not be "worthy" or "woman enough". Basically, my 13 year old thought process was, "Oh, so boys are only looking at me and being nice to me because they find me physically attractive? And even more so if I wear some clothes that are a little more revealing?? And so if I ever want a boyfriend, this is how I need to dress and act in order to get a boy to like me??? I can do that!" (Poor, little 13 year old Lisa...)

But this is the message we are sending to our daughters and sisters and nieces -- by doing this, we are saying to them, "YOUR identity is mostly based on your physical appearance and sexuality and YOU are the problem and it is YOUR responsibility." Instead of empowering our young women by teaching them to use their brains, to know their worth, and to own their sexuality, we are perpetuating the idea that a female is not only defined by her outward appearance, but she should also tailor that appearance to society's views of what is deemed appropriate or fitting. We are living in an age of Beyoncés and Hillarys and Oprahs, where women are finally coming to the forefront in all different fields and female empowerment is a growing movement...and on the other hand, here we are taking 12 steps back by telling our young women, "You can do anything and be anything in this world -- as long as you dress appropriately and don't distract the boys in the process."

It wasn't until my mid-20's that I finally had a breakthrough and was able to break away from these imposed notions. If I wanted to wear a pencil skirt with a silk blouse and heels to work, it wasn't to impress my boss. If I wanted to wear a form-fitting dress and some lipstick for a night out, it wasn't to attract a man. I wore it because I liked it...because it made me feel good...because it expressed my personality and mood at that moment. The clothes didn't change -- my attitude and perspective did. It took me 25+ years to finally take back and own my sexuality and cultivate my identity as a woman. I am still a work in progress and learning every day, but I can at least say that I love myself, unabashedly and unapologetically.

And don't you want that for your daughter...for your sister...for your niece? I know I do. And whether it's my teenage sisters or (God willing) my future daughter, I want them to grow up in a world where they don't feel defined by the bearing of their shoulders or the hemline of their skirts. I want them to be able to look at themselves in the mirror and love themselves for their thoughts, their talents, their aspirations, their hearts, their compassion, and yes -- even their bodies. I want them to focus on their goals and dreams and desires...not what others' opinions or perceptions of them may be. I never want them to ever feel as though they need to cover themselves up or dumb themselves down for anything or anyone. That's the world I wish for more than anything for these young women in our world and those to come -- freedom to explore and express all parts of themselves without hesitation or fear of judgment. 

That is the future I pray for. For my sisters and my nieces and my cousins and my future daughter -- and for yours. But again, it is not only up to us to empower our young women, but also our responsibility to educate our young men on how to respect themselves and young women. So <in my best Yoncé voice> -- "ok ladies (and gents), now let's get in formation..." and do our part to make a better future for our youth -- no dress code required. 

Please Celebrate Me Home

The heart is a funny and incredible thing in how it can hold two completely opposite feelings simultaneously -- which in my case, currently, are elation and devastation. I experienced something similar to this when I made the move from Chicago to NOLA. I had such a great life and friends there that I didn't want to leave...but I knew that there was this amazing new season waiting for me on the other side. This is just like that -- except amplified by 1,000.

NOLA is where Alex and I learned to become a team...a unit -- where we planned our wedding & built the foundation of our marriage. It's where we found our precious fur babies & made life-long friends. It's where we bought our first car, I found a job working with people I love, survived tragedies, & made some of the greatest memories of our lives. But just like Chicago, we always knew NOLA would be a season -- fun, exciting, crazy, & beautiful -- but a season nonetheless.

I don't think there are enough words to fully express how terribly we will miss our NOLA family or how incredibly grateful we are for your immediate and never-failing support, friendship, and love. And NOLA, along with all of you, will always hold a special place in our hearts.

But as my heart breaks at the thought of leaving this little life we have built here, it immediately swells when I think of all we will be gaining in this transition back to sweet home Alabama -- where we both were born & went to school. It's where we worked our first jobs & made life-long friends. It's where we met, had our first date, got engaged, & became husband and wife. It will mean more time with our families...a huge career opportunity for Alex...a chance to finally plant some roots...and (eventually) starting a family of our own (#BabyHandback...#ButNotYetDad).

I was prompted a month or so ago to pose two questions to myself: "If you could sum up 2015 in one word, what would it be?" and "If you could sum up what you envision 2016 to be in one word, what would it be?" I thought long and hard about this and challenged myself to come up with an answer (I say "challenge" because as most of you know, I am a woman of MANY words). But after much contemplation, I settled on these two words: 2015 = "HOPE" -- 2016 = "TRANSFORMATION". Now, I will have you know, I came up with these responses before I had any idea that this huge change (or "transformation", if you will) would be coming to us this soon. I am saying all of this mostly to confirm that a woman's intuition is really a thing, y'all! But also to lead into my next point -- something I read recently sparked something inside of me and really summed up my feelings in a short and sweet little message:

I have prayed for this opportunity consistently for a while -- even when we were continuously told that it wouldn't/couldn't/shouldn't happen for some time. There were times I would get upset, even angry, not at any one person, but just the situation...and the fact that I had absolutely no control over it (which being a self-confessed control freak, is a hard pill to swallow). After the last conversation regarding our future ended with a less than satisfactory timeline, I decided in that moment that I was going to fully give way to the old saying, "Let go and let God." And wouldn't you know it -- not even two weeks later the script was flipped and our "moment" had finally arrived. So I will continue to carry this little mantra in my heart forever and ever as to never forget: "...I am always divinely guided..."

In conclusion, those who know me well are aware of my possession of all the feelings (So. Many. Feelings.), so I hope you can all forgive me in advance (especially my poor, sweet husband) for the emotional train wreck I inevitably will be over the next couple of months. Because not only will we be making the "big move" in a very short amount of time (which obviously includes the stresses of purging, packing, canceling things, figuring out logistics, etc. <insert anxiety & mild panic attack>), but also it means that starting in April Alex will be doing a three month stint for work in Vegas (alongside Britney & JLo, heeey!) while the pups and I get accustomed to life in Alabama. It's going to be a lot of change and a lot of transition for us in the coming months, so any good thoughts, positive vibes, prayers, etc. that you have to spare would be greatly appreciated. It's a lot to take on, but we're ready to begin this new chapter in our lives, as chaotic and uncertain as it may be. And with that, again I give all of our NOLA community my deepest love and gratitude for the beautiful years we were able to experience here, and we hope that although you may be a little sad about our departure, you understand why this is so important for us and our family -- and help celebrate us home. :)

All our love,

~The Handbacks
Lisa, Alex, Benny, & Trix

This Isn't A Weight Loss Story...It's A Love Story

Well, I've been out of the "blogging game" for a while. Mainly because I have been: A) a little busy, but B) mostly uninspired. I feel like 2013 was the year of love -- I married my best friend. But as inspiring as love is, I thought the last thing "the people" needed/wanted was another blog about "finding your soulmate" or "planning the perfect wedding". So write, I did not. (Although I may do a throwback blog to some interesting stories surrounding that time, but that'll have to wait for another day) And last year, 2014, was...how shall I put this...the year from hell. So with that, you can imagine my lack of inspiration to write anything positive and/or worth reading. (But again, there are some stories that may need to be brought back at a later date...because now, in hindsight, it's almost comical) But this year...2015...this was a big year for me. I feel like every season in our lives, there is one main lesson we are meant to learn & take away from that era. My late teens: my parents may have been right about a few things -- My early 20's: I'm not responsible for fixing anyone; knowing my worth -- My mid 20's: be fearless, follow my dreams, & live. it. up. -- My mid-late 20's: knowing when to walk away; all that "wifey" stuff. -- And now, as I'm quickly approaching this season that they call "My 30's", I may have just learned one of the most important lessons to date: "Self-Love is more than just Self-Acceptance".

I, like many others, believed these two things to be synonymous with one another; if I accept myself, that clearly means I love myself. But in fact by their very definitions, they are two completely different things --

Self-Love (n.): regard for one's own well-being and happiness.

Self-Acceptance (n.): acceptance of self in spite of deficiencies.

As many of you know, I have always struggled with my weight to some degree, but something I didn't necessarily struggle with was confidence. Now everyone has days when nothing looks good on you or your hair is a nightmare or no matter how much makeup you put on, you still hate everything -- but for me, no matter what size I was, more days than not -- I was okay with myself. Because I've always believed beauty knows no size, number, color, etc. And it's not because I'm some beauty queen -- in fact, the closest I ever got to a pageant title was a participation trophy when I was 4 (#realtalk). But I've always been comfortable with myself, despite my many flaws (AKA self-acceptance). It wasn't until New Year's Eve 2014 that I had this "Ah-Ha Moment" as they call it: I was looking at myself in the mirror thinking, "Girl, you look pretty cute in this jumpsuit. You could definitely look better, but you look cute. And I know you're tired, but you gotta suck it up & find some energy somewhere -- it's NYE!" And that got me thinking about WHY I was so tired all the time & HOW I could look better...and the ultimate question...WHAT WAS HOLDING ME BACK? And the answer to that question was staring right back at me -- ME. 

I hadn't told anyone, not even my husband, but I was officially the biggest I had ever been & had zero motivation or energy to do anything about it...& I had no one to blame but myself. And I realized in this moment that because of how I felt physically and felt about myself, I wasn't doing as much at work as I could...I wasn't being the wife that my husband deserved...I wasn't putting forth the energy into my friendships and other relationships that I needed to. But more importantly...I knew I wasn't being the best version of myself. My parent's had worked hard to provide every opportunity available for me to be amazing...not "mediocre" or "okay"...but extraordinary. They also raised me to expect more of myself...want more for myself...and I had lost sight of that through frustration, fear, and honestly, laziness. They say, "If nothing changes, nothing changes." So change, I did. 

January I started strong, hitting the gym multiple days a week. I also started making better food decisions, knowing that's always been one of my biggest struggles. A few months went by, and I had lost a few pounds, but felt I should've lost more based on all the work I had put in. And I didn't feel any different. Discouragement and frustration began to set in. Then AdvoCare happened... 

A friend of mine talked me into doing a 24 Day Challenge with her, and although (very) skeptical, I was desperate at this point. So I gave it a shot and decided to go at it 100% -- no excuses. And although my results weren't mind-blowing, they were real and they were mine. But most importantly, I honestly felt the best I had ever felt in a long time -- too long. So I decided to stick with it and see what happened. Although it didn't work any miracles, it helped bring me things that I had been missing in my life: motivation...accountability...hope. I enjoyed working out & being active again...I learned how to balance my meals and indulge without over-indulging...I became far more in touch with my body than I ever had before. And through this journey of trying to regain my old self, I realized that I had actually discovered my new self -- my true self. A woman who not only accepted herself as she was, but also loved herself enough to do all that she could to take care of herself and be all that she could be...for her family, for her friends, for her husband, but mostly -- for herself. 

So I leave you all with this: right now, in the state that you're currently in... You are beautiful. You are smart. You are worthy. No matter your age, size, circumstances -- you ARE good enough. This post is not meant to make you feel otherwise. Its intention is to help you recognize how amazing you are, and with that, empower you strive for greatness...whatever that may mean to you. Don't just accept yourself or your circumstances as is -- challenge yourself to do more, BE more. Not in spite of yourself, but FOR yourself. Because "happily ever afters" aren't given to us, so it's up to you to create your own -- and that all begins with you. You just have to decide that you're ready to take the next step.

And because no white girl millennial blog would be complete without a quote from Queen T.Sweezy: "It's a love story, Baby, just say yes..."