Tuesday, November 10, 2015

This Isn't A Weight Loss Story...It's A Love Story


Well, I've been out of the "blogging game" for a while. Mainly because I have been: A) a little busy, but B) mostly uninspired. I feel like 2013 was the year of love -- I married my best friend. But as inspiring as love is, I thought the last thing "the people" needed/wanted was another blog about "finding your soulmate" or "planning the perfect wedding". So write, I did not. (Although I may do a throwback blog to some interesting stories surrounding that time, but that'll have to wait for another day) And last year, 2014, was...how shall I put this...the year from hell. So with that, you can imagine my lack of inspiration to write anything positive and/or worth reading. (But again, there are some stories that may need to be brought back at a later date...because now, in hindsight, it's almost comical) But this year...2015...this was a big year for me. I feel like every season in our lives, there is one main lesson we are meant to learn & take away from that era. My late teens: my parents may have been right about a few things -- My early 20's: I'm not responsible for fixing anyone; knowing my worth -- My mid 20's: be fearless, follow my dreams, & live. it. up. -- My mid-late 20's: knowing when to walk away; all that "wifey" stuff. -- And now, as I'm quickly approaching this season that they call "My 30's", I may have just learned one of the most important lessons to date: "Self-Love is more than just Self-Acceptance".

I, like many others, believed these two things to be synonymous with one another; if I accept myself, that clearly means I love myself. But in fact by their very definitions, they are two completely different things --

Self-Love (n.): regard for one's own well-being and happiness.

Self-Acceptance (n.): acceptance of self in spite of deficiencies.

As many of you know, I have always struggled with my weight to some degree, but something I didn't necessarily struggle with was confidence. Now everyone has days when nothing looks good on you or your hair is a nightmare or no matter how much makeup you put on, you still hate everything -- but for me, no matter what size I was, more days than not -- I was okay with myself. Because I've always believed beauty knows no size, number, color, etc. And it's not because I'm some beauty queen -- in fact, the closest I ever got to a pageant title was a participation trophy when I was 4 (#realtalk). But I've always been comfortable with myself, despite my many flaws (AKA self-acceptance). It wasn't until New Year's Eve 2014 that I had this "Ah-Ha Moment" as they call it: I was looking at myself in the mirror thinking, "Girl, you look pretty cute in this jumpsuit. You could definitely look better, but you look cute. And I know you're tired, but you gotta suck it up & find some energy somewhere -- it's NYE!" And that got me thinking about WHY I was so tired all the time & HOW I could look better...and the ultimate question...WHAT WAS HOLDING ME BACK? And the answer to that question was staring right back at me -- ME

I hadn't told anyone, not even my husband, but I was officially the biggest I had ever been & had zero motivation or energy to do anything about it...& I had no one to blame but myself. And I realized in this moment that because of how I felt physically and felt about myself, I wasn't doing as much at work as I could...I wasn't being the wife that my husband deserved...I wasn't putting forth the energy into my friendships and other relationships that I needed to. But more importantly...I knew I wasn't being the best version of myself. My parent's had worked hard to provide every opportunity available for me to be amazing...not "mediocre" or "okay"...but extraordinary. They also raised me to expect more of myself...want more for myself...and I had lost sight of that through frustration, fear, and honestly, laziness. They say, "If nothing changes, nothing changes." So change, I did. 

January I started strong, hitting the gym multiple days a week. I also started making better food decisions, knowing that's always been one of my biggest struggles. A few months went by, and I had lost a few pounds, but felt I should've lost more based on all the work I had put in. And I didn't feel any different. Discouragement and frustration began to set in. Then AdvoCare happened... 

A friend of mine talked me into doing a 24 Day Challenge with her, and although (very) skeptical, I was desperate at this point. So I gave it a shot and decided to go at it 100% -- no excuses. And although my results weren't mind-blowing, they were real and they were mine. But most importantly, I honestly felt the best I had ever felt in a long time -- too long. So I decided to stick with it and see what happened. Although it didn't work any miracles, it helped bring me things that I had been missing in my life: motivation...accountability...hope. I enjoyed working out & being active again...I learned how to balance my meals and indulge without over-indulging...I became far more in touch with my body than I ever had before. And through this journey of trying to regain my old self, I realized that I had actually discovered my new self -- my true self. A woman who not only accepted herself as she was, but also loved herself enough to do all that she could to take care of herself and be all that she could be...for her family, for her friends, for her husband, but mostly -- for herself

So I leave you all with this: right now, in the state that you're currently in... You are beautiful. You are smart. You are worthy. No matter your age, size, circumstances -- you ARE good enough. This post is not meant to make you feel otherwise. Its intention is to help you recognize how amazing you are, and with that, empower you strive for greatness...whatever that may mean to you. Don't just accept yourself or your circumstances as is -- challenge yourself to do more, BE more. Not in spite of yourself, but FOR yourself. Because "happily ever afters" aren't given to us, so it's up to you to create your own -- and that all begins with you. You just have to decide that you're ready to take the next step.

And because no white girl millennial blog would be complete without a quote from Queen T.Sweezy: "It's a love story, Baby, just say yes..."